After I worked for five years, after I built my business world, I resigned and left my company and moved away from the career-oriented women to a loving mom.
Why did I do this?
Till my son was two and a half year old, I dreamt about building my career and becoming a successful woman. Till he joined his school, or play school, I was his teacher, I was his friend and he was my teacher and he was my everything. We both grew up lovingly as a mom and as a new human being, my son.
I started my career after he joined play school when he is two and a half and after 5 years, my empire is built and I am almost fulfilling the dream I once dreamt. Just another three more years the base, the foundation of our business is done. On the other hand, within this span of 5 years, I had witnessed my son sitting idle, missing me, growing up with videos, losing all his creativity as I was busy creating my own world.
I futured my career but did I live in my present world?
This question made me witness a picture of future of my son. I always thought , "I was just there for him and he can reach me anytime". But did I wear his shoes and look at life how he looks? Then it would have been a different story. Well and hence I had to take a decision.
When I was a kid, we lived in a joint family and I grew up amidst many family members' love. I cant imagine my life being left alone without any values taught. Teaching the kids staying independently is different from keeping oneself blind with the unwanted developments the kids' gain.
As per the article on Developmental stages of social emotional development in children, by Fatima Malik, Raman Marwah, published in NCBI,
it is researched and written with multiple references "Between 30 and 54 months, impulse control, gender roles, and peer relationship issues emerge. A caregiver plays a major role in helping preschoolers define values and learn flexible self-control. Testing limits on what behaviors are acceptable and how much autonomy they can exert is an expected phenomenon. Thoughtful parenting with a balance between setting limits and giving choices will successfully establish a child’s sense of initiative and decrease anxiety from guilt or loss of control. "
Who is my son's caretaker, me or any nanny who comes to take care of him? So, while we dream of building a career empire, the first rule is you cannot ask your team to dream the same dream you dream. All that you can do is train and motivate them and you should be ready to accept the standard error. Yes, I am ready to accept that and I am ever ready to motivate the team, considering they are adults and understand what I say. But in case of my own son, can I accept that error? Can I give the right to any one else? Do they live my dream of bringing up my own son to make him independent. Can a nanny do a thoughtful parenting? Am I allowing my son to grow up like an orphan?
Well, what can be the future of my son?
However, here we have the Arjuna's mind describing the nation's or family's or dynasty's future if war happens.
Chapter 1 , shloka 38 - 46
यद्यप्येते न पश्यन्ति लोभोपहतचेतसः।
कुलक्षयकृतं दोषं मित्रद्रोहे च पातकम्।।1.38।।
कुलक्षयकृतं दोषं मित्रद्रोहे च पातकम्।।1.38।।
कथं न ज्ञेयमस्माभिः पापादस्मान्निवर्तितुम्।
कुलक्षयकृतं दोषं प्रपश्यद्भिर्जनार्दन।।1.39।।
कुलक्षयकृतं दोषं प्रपश्यद्भिर्जनार्दन।।1.39।।
कुलक्षये प्रणश्यन्ति कुलधर्माः सनातनाः।
धर्मे नष्टे कुलं कृत्स्नमधर्मोऽभिभवत्युत।।1.40।।
धर्मे नष्टे कुलं कृत्स्नमधर्मोऽभिभवत्युत।।1.40।।
अधर्माभिभवात्कृष्ण प्रदुष्यन्ति कुलस्त्रियः।
स्त्रीषु दुष्टासु वार्ष्णेय जायते वर्णसङ्करः।।1.41।।
स्त्रीषु दुष्टासु वार्ष्णेय जायते वर्णसङ्करः।।1.41।।
सङ्करो नरकायैव कुलघ्नानां कुलस्य च।
पतन्ति पितरो ह्येषां लुप्तपिण्डोदकक्रियाः।।1.42।।
पतन्ति पितरो ह्येषां लुप्तपिण्डोदकक्रियाः।।1.42।।
दोषैरेतैः कुलघ्नानां वर्णसङ्करकारकैः।
उत्साद्यन्ते जातिधर्माः कुलधर्माश्च शाश्वताः।।1.43।।
उत्साद्यन्ते जातिधर्माः कुलधर्माश्च शाश्वताः।।1.43।।
उत्सन्नकुलधर्माणां मनुष्याणां जनार्दन।
नरकेऽनियतं वासो भवतीत्यनुशुश्रुम।।1.44।।
नरकेऽनियतं वासो भवतीत्यनुशुश्रुम।।1.44।।
अहो बत महत्पापं कर्तुं व्यवसिता वयम्।
यद्राज्यसुखलोभेन हन्तुं स्वजनमुद्यताः।।1.45।।
यद्राज्यसुखलोभेन हन्तुं स्वजनमुद्यताः।।1.45।।
यदि मामप्रतीकारमशस्त्रं शस्त्रपाणयः।
धार्तराष्ट्रा रणे हन्युस्तन्मे क्षेमतरं भवेत्।।1.46।।
धार्तराष्ट्रा रणे हन्युस्तन्मे क्षेमतरं भवेत्।।1.46।।
Meaning -
"Janardhana, certainly, these men, overpowered by greed, don't see any fault in killing one's family, quarrelling with friends. Why should we, knowing it is a sin, engage in these activities of destructing a dynasty? It is said, by destroying the family, the family traditions, the Sanatana dharma becomes destroyed, the whole dynasty becomes adharmic.
Krishna, if adharma presides, there will be rise in chaotic population, unwanted population, certainly, there will be sinful actions, of destroying family traditions, with no offerings to the ancestors, the whole situation turns to be (naraka) hell. There will be eternal loss of all kinds of dharmas, personal, family and also at a community level.
Krishna, I heard, those who destroy the dharma, always live in hell. Alas, it is a great sin, that we decided to kill, driven by greed for royal happiness and for (rajya) kingdom.
I feel it is better, if sons of Drutharashtra kill me unarmed and unresisting, in the battlefield."
So, what is common with Arjuna and me is, we both think of future and fear of future rather than living in the present and finishing the work.
One of Krishna's answers to Arjuna for his distress is -
Chapter 2 , Shloka 47 -
कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि।।2.47।।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि।।2.47।।
"Certainly, you have the (adhikara) right to perform the (karma) duty, but not for the results at any time. Thinking of the result, you can never remain without working (akarmani) doing your duty. "
Chapter 2 , Shloka 48 -
योगस्थः कुरु कर्माणि सङ्गं त्यक्त्वा धनञ्जय।
सिद्ध्यसिद्ध्योः समो भूत्वा समत्वं योग उच्यते।।2.48।।
सिद्ध्यसिद्ध्योः समो भूत्वा समत्वं योग उच्यते।।2.48।।
"Dhananjaya, gear up, perform your duty, and leave everything else and treat the failure or success with (samatvam) evenness. This is called Yoga."
Alas, if I would have got someone like Krishna to tell me this, or if I knew this before, I guess I would have corrected myself , corrected my thoughts.
I KNOW IF I LIVE IN THE PRESENT I CAN DO WONDERS. BUT, THE point is why am I not living in the present and rather trying to fix my own future or my sons future. I was dreaming so much, fearing so much and never lived in present and thus resulting in unexpected twist of leaving everything at fag end.
And now I want to implement the learning I got, I am trying to live in present. I taught , na na, I am teaching my son still to live his life. So, I am back again on my work enjoying and trying to live every moment. I know, it is difficult, but I am sure, Krishna will have a solution for this as well.
Lets explore and learn from Gita. Lets implement small changes to be peaceful. Lets live in present.
I share a good read here, about a great research done on the children's milestones and developments, stage by stage, so that it might be helpful for us to place ourselves in their shoes and understand their mind and then live our present, as a kid and as a parent.
1 comment
Nice corollary drawn between our dilemma in our day to day lives and Arjuna’ s situation before the kurukshetra. We may not have Krishna by our side but his spoken words in the gita will continue to guide us.