I lost my maternal grand mother very recently, in the year 2020. All that I could do to my mom was, console her. But, .... Alas!! I am so bad at talking to her, so nicely, that I could make her forget her pain. What should I do to console her. All that I could do was pray for the strength to take the pain away. My mom has been there for me in all my thick and thin. There were never any incidents that I had to literally console her. Definitely, that was the time she needed me. But , how? I was thinking, there should be some way I can release her pain. I can repeat and rephrase my mom's words to her, but you know, parents wont like if kids use the same words on them. I can brush her pain aside by saying all this is common in life and she is old and she has got mukthi...blah blah blah.. but that's not what she needs.
So I was thinking what can make her pain go away.
I know exactly what to do... Let me follow Gita.
What did Krishna do when He had to console Arjuna about his fears and future. Did Krishna say that , just lay complete trust on me and I shall take care of everything and just listen to me , just do it , its my order, how dare you don't listen to me.... Did Krishna do all these like the way we do with our kids or seniors at home. We don't have enough patience to deal with their traumas.
Infact, the place, Arjuna chose was wrong, the time Arjuna chose was wrong. Yet, as a child Arjuna opens up to Krishna, his dear friend. Did Krishna shew him away by giving all the reasons? Then what did he do?
What was Krishna's reaction?
The first dialogue of Krishna was... Enquiring about Arjuna... What happened , what is causing you this new way of thinking.
सञ्जय उवाच
तं तथा कृपयाऽविष्टमश्रुपूर्णाकुलेक्षणम्।
विषीदन्तमिदं वाक्यमुवाच मधुसूदनः।।2.1।।
sañjaya uvāca
taṅ tathā kṛpayā.viṣṭamaśrupūrṇākulēkṣaṇam.
viṣīdantamidaṅ vākyamuvāca madhusūdanaḥ৷৷2.1৷৷
taṅ tathā kṛpayā.viṣṭamaśrupūrṇākulēkṣaṇam.
viṣīdantamidaṅ vākyamuvāca madhusūdanaḥ৷৷2.1৷৷
Meaning - (Krupaya avistam) overwhelmed with compassion, (asru purna) full of tears, (akula) depressed, thus expressed Arjuna to (Madhusudhana) destroyer of madhu.
श्री भगवानुवाच
कुतस्त्वा कश्मलमिदं विषमे समुपस्थितम्।
अनार्यजुष्टमस्वर्ग्यमकीर्तिकरमर्जुन।।2.2।।
śrī bhagavānuvāca
kutastvā kaśmalamidaṅ viṣamē samupasthitam.
anāryajuṣṭamasvargyamakīrtikaramarjuna৷৷2.2৷৷
kutastvā kaśmalamidaṅ viṣamē samupasthitam.
anāryajuṣṭamasvargyamakīrtikaramarjuna৷৷2.2৷৷
Meaning - Bhagawan said, At this hour of crisis, how come, you are talking so indifferent of you, you are not experiencing happiness Arjuna.
Definitely Krishna was first listening, then enquiring, then answering all the queries (with a third person point of view), step by step patiently. Then conclude with a fact. That's it. These are the steps.
I think a good friend or a good companion would definitely follow these steps to console you.
1. Listen
2. Enquire
3. Answer with a third point of view perspective
4. Reassure that the situation is understood after answering all the questions.
A simple Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) to console your wife or your mother or your teammate or a student or just yourself.
So, with this you can also figure out who is your friend and who is your real best friend forever(bff).
Many a times, we listen to the statement, to clear controversies in families or in between two people, "just sitting and talking will clear all the problems". Yes, what if the sitting happens following this SOP. No doubt, the issues and controversies will be resolved.
But, the typical way, a controversy is dealt is through ego. Majority of the times, it goes like, my problem to be heard first, my solution to be heard first. This leads to psychological abuse and domestic violence.
This reminds me of reasons for depression and causes of depression. Exactly, the major reason for a person expressing depression is psychological abuse.
If a person is heard and the opinions are respected through just acknowledgment at the very point of expressing, we can eliminate the many behavioral risks that exist in the world now.
A recent study and research in Harvard,
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression,
mentions, stressful life events is one of the reasons for depression or neural disorders.
WHO is conducting preventive intervention sessions for different sectors of children and adults and new parents to prevent depression. Here is a reference pdf for you.
https://www.euro.who.int/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/325947/New-Preventing-depression.pdf
Infact, if we implement the same in our lives, with our companions, we can tap on our back and feel the confidence.
On a fun note, we see couples being all ears before marriage. They date for days, they chat for hours, they listen patiently each others problems and travel together in thick and thin. Wow, thats a great foundation to any relation. And what happens after 3 years or 5 years of marriage? :) LOL, hearing to other person is considered a time pass session or useless session :) Opening up with partner or kid is like a barrier..:) To be frank, if we implement the Krishna - Arjuna's strategy and the SOP of express like a kid and listen like Krishna, every time we talk or discuss, this, itself, is a preventive intervention session.
Because, once he or she expresses completely, they become seekers of solution. Its then the listener can pitch in, (briefly). That's the magic Krishna did to his friend Arjuna.
So, now Krishna's time to answer the seeker Arjuna.
Let's explore more, the questions and answers. Let's reflect on our life too.
By the way, are you a good listener? Or could you allow your companion to open up? Today, I was a good listener, this gave me peace and confidence. How about you?
4 comments
True. Being a good listener is what makes a person different. In today’s hi-tech world, people often prioritize devices over meaningful interactions, leaving little time for family and friends. Whether at home or outside, we see individuals immersed in their mobiles or headsets, rarely engaging with or listening to those around them. As Krishna did, let us also be good listeners, engaging with those around us and uplifting others who need support.
A beautiful approach to tackle every emotion, every bond, every person n himself too. Usually we say, empathize the other person’s feelings etc but I knew a new way of approach after reading this.. Third person’s view which is really true.
Lots of things covered with the main takeaway being- Try being a good listener!
Well written😊
Nice